If you want to discuss politics with some truly racist pricks, then I suggest you check out:

Here

Although they claim to not be racist a quick go around on the site brings such choice quotes from Cletus The Site Admin like this:

"The fact is, every single Mexican I have met without fail was not courageous enough to stand up against anyone by himself. They tend to run in gangs and use, usually, four or five people against one. The only time that one will actually even pretend to stand up to someone is when he is surrounded by others in a public place knowing that it is unlikely the person he is facing will hurt him in front of witnesses"

These are the types of people that run around covered in white sheets hiding their faces because they're sad pathetic assholes who anally rape their mothers while listening to Toby Keith. They probably are also pedophiles who enjoy Nascar and Dip. **** off you degenerates.

A Dictator Bush Christmas

So I'm pretty sure every self-loathing bastard in the U.S. is asking himself, "what did George W do for Christmas?". Well the Emir got his hands on an early report and it happened something like this:

Christmas is Curious George's favorite time of the year. He gathered up his usual plethora of Nazi Hate Mongers and gathered around eating a fantastic Christmas dinner. The main course was dead baby fetuses with rice and cream gravy. You got it, no wonder Shrub is so against stem cell research. He wants the fetuses all for himself.

Anyways to continue, after dinner he proceeded to screw Barbara Walter in exit chute and then called up Ahmadinejad on the phone and call his mother a whore. That'll do wonders for diplomacy.

All in all it was just another day in the Nazi Den, whoops I mean White House.

Porcupine Tree: Fear of a Blank World. Album of the Year!

It's the best thing Porcupine Tree has ever done. It's melodic, it's driving, it's inspirational. It's a thing of beauty in a world of music that has become ever so dull and derivative. It's easily the Album of the year and probably the best album I've heard in 2 or three years.

If you're in to symphonic or progressive rock you need to check it out.

Jesus Jesus Fetus Eater

In a recent interview with yours truly, Christ advised me that he was infact very pro-abortion.

Interview Highlights at his home in Compton, CA:

Me: "So do you support abortion?"

Jesus: "Oh hell yeah dawg, man I made that bitch Mary Magdaline get one hundreds of times. Condoms weren't what they are now. Everytime she get one I used to waive my arms in the air and say, "hey ho, hey ho" like I just didn't care. One time I was high and actually ate a fetus. Taste like chicken dawg."

There you have it Jesus, Jesus Fetus Eater.

Manatees And The Manfred Mann Plot

Manatees are evil. That says it all. On countless occasions throughout history Manatees have tried to undermine humanities authoritative grip on this planet.

A little known occurrence in history happened on September 18th, 1962. This is the day that Manfred Mann appeared out of nowhere and took a solid grip on Rock music for years to come.

What does Manfred Mann have to do with manatees you may ask? Well Manfred Mann's real name is Manfred The Manatee! Oh yes! It really is that serious. Manfred Mann was sent topside(as manatees call it) to take over the human race with his catchy jingles. Manfred is what manatees refer to as a "Land Walker". "Land Walkers" are genetically enhanced manatees that have the ability to walk above land, and appear more human than manatee.

His hit song, "Blinded By The Light" is actually a heartfelt song about the struggles of a manatee living topside and being exposed to constant light. But don't feel sorry for him folks, he's pure evil. As a matter of fact he's more evil than evil allows.

Manfred had powers that we couldn't even imagine, but thankfully he got sidetracked by his immediate fame and McDonald's hamburgers. His plot fizzled.

What he looks like under the sea:

The Tragedy of Torgan The Torn.

Hearing the news of his brother Mandel the Marooned's failure. Torgan, vowed on everything that he
held holy to avenge his brother's marooning. Torgan as a boy had rejected the botanist ways of his
ancestor Borgen The Blue and instead of life, had invested in death. He was a weapons specialist.

Up until this time, Torgan had been a gigantic failure as a weapon specialist. He had chosen the job hastily
and in all honesty would much rather be following his real dreams of becoming the manager of a Howard Johnson
Hotel(which is still the dream of every Norwegian Male). In his heart he understood that his family name must
be avenged.

He worked day and night and like most Norwegians he was filled with hot air that continuously inhibited his work.
This was largely due to the Norwegians love of pancakes which caused massive gas build up as it ate them from the
inside out. It made the progress slow and tedious, but one day he thought of all that hot air that most
Norwegians held on a daily basis and about how strong in fact that part of the anatomy had become due to this
affliction.

A light as bright as the sun lit up in Torgan's small pine-cone battered mind and in a fury of thoughts and grunts
he proceeded to think of the now infamous "Anatomy Cannon". Torgan's genius was insanity of a cholesterol fueled
kind. The kind only a pancake addict raised in a Howard Johnson's storage room could possibly have. He thought
if Norwegians could swallow pine-cones whole and then "cannon" them out, the pressure would be enormous. This
pressure would so great that not even body armor would be able to slow down the pine-cones of death. Torgan
emitted tears of joy as he realized the Norwegians scrawny flaccid arms would no longer be the down fall of their
clan. They could now fight the Pine-Coning Swedes with strength, force and fluidity.

Torgan immediately gathered the small and battered Norwegian army and in a speech worthy to be the Gettysburg
Address he gathered their support and cholesterol driven insanity, and marched with purpose towards Stockholm.

Tragon The Three Legged(who was very popular with the ladies I might add), who was Schloss The Spectacular's brother
had received news of the uprising through his Nokia phone(I don't even think that's chronologically correct).
In a fury of feverish finger mashing he proceeded to text the entire Swedish Army and they met on the South
side of Stockholm.

Within minutes the Norwegians arrived and as one can imagine the "Anatomy Cannons" had to be fired from a very
compromising position. This sight of this initially flabbergasted and disgusted the powerful Swedes. They were
frozen in shock and couldn't respond.

What snapped them out of it was the horrendous ripping sound as the first Pine-Cones exploded in fury out of the
"Anatomy Cannon". The first wave of Pine Cones rained down in a wicked torrential hell of
stench and glory. As the cannon fired pine-cones struck the flabbergasted Swedes body parts began to fly in a
spattering of blood and gore that had never been seen before. It was almost poetic in a hellish way.

Wave after wave of Swedes fell in the first tragic hours of this historical battle and Torgan had began think
that the Norwegians had struck back.

Tragon The Three Legged proceeded to call for reinforcements and in a matter of a few short minutes Schloss The
Spectacular with his army of Swedish man models arrived on the scene. In a move that has puzzled scholars for
decades Schloss raised his massive Swedish arms and screamed "Give me back my family"(we still don't understand
this)! Schloss' team of man models did help the Swedes as they were ferocious fighters with gigantic muscular arms.
However, the Swedes were still losing the battle as it raged into the night. The Norwegian attack had failed.

What Torgan The Torn had not accounted for was the ill effects that swallowing pine-cones whole and then cannoning
them out would have on the Norwegians internals. As the night went on Norwegians started dropping like hookers in church
due to the internal bleeding. By the time the next morning had arrived even Torgan had fallen.


The Norwegians lost 75% of their army due to internal injuries suffered from their own doing. Torgan himself had survived
because his families anatomy had become quite resistant to pine cones. He however did spend the rest of his life having
to eat strictly liquids due to the tearing internal. Because of this, he was aptly named Torgan The Torn.

The Swedes had won the battle but had suffered massive casualties. December 20th is now remembered as the "Butt Battering of 1919".

IHOP, What's The Deal?

Speaking of IHOP...have you ever noticed how no one that works there ever looks normal? I mean everytime I've ever been there the waitresses have either,A. been losing their hair,B. had no teeth, or C. just plain looked like the penguin from Batman. Odd, maybe it's because everyone that works there eats those flippin' pancakes. I told you all that it poisons you from the inside out! No one believed me, but now you're all paying dearly. Damn those Norwegian's and their murdering pancakes. I think I'm going to take care of this tonight with a handful of pine cones...

Inflatible Gorillas

Giant inflatible gorillas...who on god's green earth came up with the idea that the best way to advertise a car dealership is by inflating a 45ft fake gorilla. The person that came up with this idea should've been swallowed at birth. On that note I need to get one of these and put it in my front yard to see how long it takes before the cops are called. I'm personally appalled.

Pancakes, Cholesteroled Cakes O' Death

Speaking of plagues on humanity, pancakes are a completely unnecessary evil. I mean look at them...all spongy and nasty, over-sweetened, over cholesteroled cakes of death. So actually, I guess the biggest plague on humanity would be IHOP...the international house of pancakes. I mean they have like 50 different kinds of pancakes, and the CEO even looks like a flippin' pancake. What bothers me even more is the fact that some people try to cover up pancakes true identity by calling them "flap jacks". Those people are spawns of satan...and you are being watched. So go ahead and eat your pancakes; be killed from the inside out by their evil poison. Just remember that the Emir warned you.....I bet they where even invented in Norway, while they were building their 900th Howard Johnson is Oslo.

The Marooning Of Mandel

On this day in history...August 31st 1917. After much protest--and the sweat, tears and blood of many generations. The Norwegian Anti Pine Cone party succeeded in the outlaw of all decorational pine cones. The movement was led by Mandel The Marooned; a descendent of the great Norwegian botanist Borgen The Blue. Mandel was tired of the constant reminder of his great grandfathers catastrophic failure, and finally succeeded in a landslide victory--the removal of all pine cones.The Swede's found his sissy whimpering extremely amusing. Faking general concern and sympathy; they invited Mandel to Stockholm--promising an honest apology. Being a completely nutty Norwegian--Mandel obliged, and left for Sweden on September 8th.

When he arrived, he was greated by Schloss The Spectacular--a Swedish man model. Schloss had the most enormous Swedish arms in history--I'm talking massive. Schloss greated Mandel...with arms wide open you might say, and immediately took him on stage at the great Stockholm Opera house. There was a huge crowd that day, and the festivities were about ready to begin. Schloss introduced Mandel to the public. He also informed them that Mandel was Borgen's great grandson. The crowd errupted in an applause you'd be more likely to hear at a Britney Spears concert, and Schloss then screamed, "let the festivities begin!".With the swiftness of ten men crammed into a jar of peanut butter, Schloss produced a Norwegian Spruce Pine the size of a small Saab automobile. Schloss hoisted the cone over his head, and then--with blistering speed and a generally horrific masochism--Schloss brought the pine cone down on Mandel.The world had never seen such a splattering of gore and crimson red. They had also never heard such chilling sounds of bone wrecking-pine cone ravaged hell. Most people in the audience would even tell you they were personally appalled.

After the chaos, the pine cone sat there--painted red...with little spots of matter. Schloss consoled the group and told them that Mandel would be fine in just a few months.Schloss was right, after spending just 3 days in a Swedish hospital Mandel was back on his feet again and even more marooned then ever. It turns out, that through the years--the Norwegians had built quite an immunity towards pine cones. As part of his punishment for being the descendent of Borgen,

The Swede's sent him back to Norway in a special edition Volvo--painted with a mural of pine cones. Mandel was humiliated, outcast, and just generally laughed at--and thus was named Mandel The Marooned.

Borgen The Blue

On this day in history...August 18, 1834...Great Norwegian botanist Borgen The Blue was determined to make a more aerodynamic pine cone in order for the Norwegians to better defend themselves against the Pine Coning Swedes. After years in the laboratory Borgen succeeded in making what is now known as the Norwegian Spruce Tree.

The Norwegian Spruce produced pine cones very similar to the shape of an American football. The first pine cone flowered this day in 1834 and the nutty Norwegians immediately planned an attack on the Swede's so that they could reunite the countries. What Borgen failed to realize is that the Norwegians were comparitively weak next to the massive much better looking Swede's...The pine cone's failed to travel much further than regular ones thrown by scrawny Norwegian arms. But the Swedes where bombastic, quick, and ravenous...In fact, never in history have pine cones been thrown so swiftly, so accurately, and so brutally.

The Norwegian's retreated back to the border, and during the night began to build yet another Howard Johnson. During the building, the Swede's brought on a swift surprise attack. The Norwegians, were driven all the way back to Oslo--and never again had the marbles to attack the far superior Swede's. Borgen was outcast; he never recovered and was thus named Borgen The Blue.