The Marooning Of Mandel

On this day in history...August 31st 1917. After much protest--and the sweat, tears and blood of many generations. The Norwegian Anti Pine Cone party succeeded in the outlaw of all decorational pine cones. The movement was led by Mandel The Marooned; a descendent of the great Norwegian botanist Borgen The Blue. Mandel was tired of the constant reminder of his great grandfathers catastrophic failure, and finally succeeded in a landslide victory--the removal of all pine cones.The Swede's found his sissy whimpering extremely amusing. Faking general concern and sympathy; they invited Mandel to Stockholm--promising an honest apology. Being a completely nutty Norwegian--Mandel obliged, and left for Sweden on September 8th.

When he arrived, he was greated by Schloss The Spectacular--a Swedish man model. Schloss had the most enormous Swedish arms in history--I'm talking massive. Schloss greated Mandel...with arms wide open you might say, and immediately took him on stage at the great Stockholm Opera house. There was a huge crowd that day, and the festivities were about ready to begin. Schloss introduced Mandel to the public. He also informed them that Mandel was Borgen's great grandson. The crowd errupted in an applause you'd be more likely to hear at a Britney Spears concert, and Schloss then screamed, "let the festivities begin!".With the swiftness of ten men crammed into a jar of peanut butter, Schloss produced a Norwegian Spruce Pine the size of a small Saab automobile. Schloss hoisted the cone over his head, and then--with blistering speed and a generally horrific masochism--Schloss brought the pine cone down on Mandel.The world had never seen such a splattering of gore and crimson red. They had also never heard such chilling sounds of bone wrecking-pine cone ravaged hell. Most people in the audience would even tell you they were personally appalled.

After the chaos, the pine cone sat there--painted red...with little spots of matter. Schloss consoled the group and told them that Mandel would be fine in just a few months.Schloss was right, after spending just 3 days in a Swedish hospital Mandel was back on his feet again and even more marooned then ever. It turns out, that through the years--the Norwegians had built quite an immunity towards pine cones. As part of his punishment for being the descendent of Borgen,

The Swede's sent him back to Norway in a special edition Volvo--painted with a mural of pine cones. Mandel was humiliated, outcast, and just generally laughed at--and thus was named Mandel The Marooned.